Dearie will be going for his ICT tomorrow, for a week. I'm gonna try not to miss him too much. Maybe thinking about the upcoming vacation will help occupy my mind.

Happy Mid Autumn!

Raffles Hotel Snow-Skin Mooncakes with Champagne Truffle & Ganache, from the best bf in the world. ;)

中秋节快乐！

A bad dream.

I had a bad dream last night, which woke me up in tears.

"To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you, indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel a lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others. This notion may stem from issues of trust or self-esteem. The dream could also indicate that you are unconsciously picking up hints and cues that your significant other is not being completely truth or is not fully committed in the relationship."

I remembered feeling very hurt, very disappointed. Even when I have been jostled awake, I couldn't stop crying because it felt so raw, so real, so painful. I actually felt my heart aching.

Perhaps it's the recent spate of events and subconscious thoughts and fears that inspired the dream. Admittedly, my thoughts have been a little wild of late.

This dream reaffirmed something - that he really matters alot to me.

When you allow someone access into the deepest vault of your heart, it can render you totally vulnerable and defenceless. I'm scared. What have I gotten myself into?

Can love conquer all?

The world is full of infinite possibilities and opportunities - staying in a devoted and monogamous relationship in such a society can be a huge challenge, especially if you are one good looker. Afterall, temptations lurk, and are just waiting for the right time to strike.

Scary, isn't it?

It is.

And so, bearing that in mind, I've always reminded myself not to date a good looker - I seriously do not need the constant fear - of him derailing.

But fate often is opinionated and decides that I should date a (rather) good looker.

And now, I'm experiencing that uncomfortable feeling I so do not want. Trust me, it doesn't feel at all good. Damn.

I want to trust him but I don't know if I can. I want to have faith in myself but I'm not sure if I have it. It's dilemmatic. You get the drift.

The notion of true love conquering all is eminently comforting at this juncture. And I can only hope that what we share is true love and it does, as promised, conquer all, temptations included.

"How do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised, conquer all?" - Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City

Chapter 7.

The author of the novel I'm reading now is an Irish and the setting of the novel, in Ireland. By Chapter Seven, I'm abruptly reminded of a certain someone - someone whose heart I've unintentionally hurt years ago, perhaps twelve.

We used to go to the same primary school. Then he left for college in Ireland after completing his secondary school. We met again when he was back during his vacation and the reunion sparkled a brief romance. I know he was really sweet to me but the realisation that I didn't truly love him made me feel very guilty. I didn't think I was being fair to him and decided one evening, after several months from the day we held hands, to let him down. It wasn't at all easy. I cried buckets that night.

He was supposed to continue his university studies in Scotland after we parted but I'm not sure if he did because I've lost total contact with him. I don't know where in the world he is now and frankly, there was no need to know. I hope he has found true love like I did and is happy wherever he is. Maybe one day, if fate permits, we'll meet again. It's always heartwarming to see an old friend.

When does the art of compromise become compromising?

B once told me he read from an article the happiest relationship is one where compromise is unrequired. I agreed and still agree. It's nice to be loved for being ourselves.

As we all know, ideals only happen in fairytales. In reality, certain level of compromise will still be needed I supposed, for a relationship to work.

Take some habits for example:

He's an earlybird. I'm not.
I'm laid-back. He's fast-paced.
I won't run for the bus. He will.
He walks fast. I stroll.

Reality is such that - in order to get along - we will have to adjust and meet midway.

There you go.

"In a relationship, when does the art of compromise become compromising? - Sex and the City

I need a sign.

"I need a sign. I mean you told me to have faith but see I’m kind of losing mine, so… I need a sign. Just tell me I’m the one." - Sex and the City

I'm kindda losing mine too. Could it be the legendary PMS mood swing? I feel awful cos this feeling is not something I'd like to be going through. I guess, again, nobody does.

Can faith just drop dead suddenly?

Do we need reassurances from time to time, to keep faith alive?

Do we need signs?

I think, I do.

Are we forever haunted?

Just the other day, A agreed with me we were likely no longer in love during the last few years of our relationship.

Today, he contradicted himself - over MSN chat - that he still think about me, and finds it quite impossible to wholeheartedly love his current girlfriend.

This is so scary.

And very absurd.

How could he?!

I'm so glad I know exactly how I feel - I have only B in my heart.

"When a relationship dies, do we ever really give up the ghost, or are we forever haunted by the spirits of relationships past?" - Sex and the City

Are some mistakes unavoidable?

My ex-boyfriend, A, declared over MSN chat today he is attached.

It has been about a year and a half since we called it quits. To be really honest, I didn't expect him to meet someone new so quickly, given his not-so-commendable personality. I couldn't imagine anyone falling for him (although ironically, I did) - based on how well I've gotten to know him over the eight years we were together. He admitted he hasn't been that good to his current girlfriend and blamed old habits - they die hard. How tragic - some people never learn from mistakes.

A was an ex-classmate of my polytechnic classmate's then-boyfriend-now-husband. The whole chapter with him was regrettably a mistake. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't have allowed myself to commit it. What was I thinking at twenty-one?

However, I got to thinking - the theory about one thing leading to another. If I had avoided this mistake, would I have missed B, my current boyfriend and love of my life?

Are some mistakes really unavoidable?

"Can you make a mistake and miss your fate?" - Sex and the City